Welcome Mavric

The date is getting closer and closer…

When jdric is on the way, everyone is anxiously waiting for him. We had things prepare for him and waiting excitedly. Papa was around tat time, mama is talking to him all the time. Even ah po also bought a PJ for him to wear when discharge from hospital. When i first saw him, i was like looking at a total stranger but i had feelings for him soo deeply.

Now bb M is like non existing. He is growing inside me but no sign of preparation… i’m not prepared?

This morning waking up, looking at Jdric i cried my heart out thinking tat today will the last morning i wake up together with him ALONE. I’ll be missing him, missing carrying him, missing my 1 to 1 time with him.  (I talk like i’m going to die or wat) Jdric just look at me bodoh bodoh and lie close to me. Early early morning emo dy.

Actually who is clinging to whom? I realise that i’m too attached to him. It’s not him. I should learn to “let go” of Jdric. Probably he is already old enough to be on his own. Probably he’s excited to have partner in crime. Why am i feeling that i’m losing him instead of feeling that i’ll gain another precious? 2 Jdric !! God must have had his plan and decision why i can’t  have my contraction. There is nothing to be sad or depress about not having natural delivery. He’ll have other plans for me. It’s also good that Ha-B do not hv to rush down or got carried away in the middle of his shooting.

So tomorrow onwards.. i’ll be a new mom again.. happy new motherhood and save delivery Miki Chua! (looking forward to BF again *yippie* – forgotten if i meantion b4 tat when i wean off i was also very depress about it. so now i can BF again *double yippie*)

And to be very very proud i’m able to say, “These are my CHILDREN” – consider upgrade also rite?

Mavric Phang, come see papa,mama and koko who had been waiting for you for very-long 265 days =D

 

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Decision decision

I got 2nd opinion from my uncle MS. Whatever Dr TWK mention was not exactly wrong or being bias… it is indeed in science term safe for the sake of mummy and baby.

(1) Induction for me if there is no sign of contraction will rupture my wound because the contraction will cause pressure if there is no opening of cervix, the pressure is going to “explode” my wound which is true what Dr TWK told me. Is like a punctured balloon (my wound) that is insert with more air (induction)

(2) Induction is only allow if there is and opening because there is an opening and pressure will push the baby to the opening instead putting pressure against my wound. Therefore it’s save for induction if there is natural contraction and opening of cervix.

(3) Indeed history of 4kg is a huge baby. If by this week baby M don’t show any sign of coming out NATURALLY, i should let go what ever is in my mind and go for csec because csec is safer for mummy and baby compare to induction.

So Dr MS conclusion by this week, no sign of natural, go for csec.. baby which is above 3.8kg is no longer safe for me to go for natural birth. Sad to say but looks like the decision is clearly stated. And since by end of this week baby M is for sure going to be arnd 3.8kg (history shows he is growing at the rate of 300g per week), i should just not risk any extra $$ and “gamble” tat he will not come out during holiday season and kena double charge!

But suddenly another thing that cross my mind is..is it going to be safe? He is just entering 38th wk. Just finish 37th week. Lung fully function? Liver? Brain? bla bla bla.. supposingly now is the fats building up only.. but what if the calculation is wrong.. *yaiks* am i having pre-natal depression/anxiety?

i’m my own doc

After being my own doc, searching the web up and down i am very firm that i should wait and be patience. At least until week 40. More over uterine rupture is usually below 1% . I don’t think i’ll be so suey kua. VBAC is possible if :

– A previous vaginal delivery (before or after a cesarean delivery) – Not applicable

– Nonrecurring reason for cesarean delivery (such as malposition, breech, multiples, fetal distress, placenta previa) – Not applicable

– Previous delivery of a baby weighing less than 4000 grams – Fail

– Spontaneous labor (no induction or augmentation) – That why doc say cannot induce

– Pregnancy length of 40 weeks or less – So after 10th Sept i need to go for csec

– Greater cervical dilation at admission – must keep this in mind

– Greater cervical dilation at rupture of membranes – must keep this in mind

– Cervical effacement that reaches 75-90% upon admission – must keep this in mind

– A single, vertex position baby (head down) – Pass

– The baby’s head being engaged or lower in the pelvis – Pass

– A higher Bishop score (a scoring system to estimate the success of induction) – I don’t think my doc will be so hardworking

The statement below really voice out my situation:

“If you were given the following reasons for a previous cesarean and are considering a repeat cesarean, you may wish to discuss the following with your health care provider:

Dystocia: Dystocia refers to a long and difficult labor due to slow cervical dilation, a small pelvis, or a big baby. Many women who are given this reason for previous cesareans, deliver vaginally the next time, and give birth to a bigger baby than the first! ACOG states that the effects [or difficulties] of labor with a baby more than 8 ¾ lbs have not been substantiated.

There is not evidence that a big baby necessitates a cesarean. The pelvis and the baby’s head are not rigid structures and both mold and change shape to allow for birth. During labor there are certain positions that a woman can use to help open up the pelvis, allowing a larger baby to move through. For example, squatting opens the outlet of the pelvis by 10%.”

Poor VBAC candidate :

– history of two or more prior low-transverse incision cesareans – Not applicable

– twins in the current pregnancy – Not applicable

– gestation beyond 40 weeks – so if after 40wk then i should “let go”

– suspected macrosomia (big baby) which is more than 4.5kg – this is why doc said if bb come out now is OK for natural (3.4kg ma) if wait until due date means it will be huge baby and normally 2nd bb will be bigger compare to 1st

– prior low vertical incision – Not applicable

– unknown prior scar, unless there is a high suspicion that the prior scar is a classical incision – Not applicable

– obesity – i think he didn’t mention this point coz he doesn’t want to hurt me (muahahah)

 

Conclusion : i don’t want to think or worry anymore, wait until week 40 if no sign, then cut cut cut. Let God decide.. i hope tonite i can sleep peacefully

 

Reference:

http://givingbirthwithconfidence.org/2-2/a-womans-guide-to-vbac/are-you-an-%E2%80%9Cideal%E2%80%9D-candidate-for-vbac-what-are-your-choices-if-not/

http://www.americanpregnancy.org/labornbirth/vbac.html

i don’t care and i want to do it – naturally

Visit gynae for bb M check up today. Bad news… really bad news. Baby is overly grown again (same case like Jdric) potential of having another huge bb or even bigger. Chances of natural is quite low, as the bb wouldn’t be able to pass tru the “canal” due to the large size. And if the bb cannot pass tru, there’s not-too-much-of-a-choice of medication to help me bcoz i had previously csec. (Oh.. y i didn’t think of asking him to vacuum or forceps)

I can’t go for induction coz the dose have to doubled because i hv no sign of contraction or dilation yet. And doubled the dose will stress the bb and will trigger my old wound to tear or rupture. So doc definitely will not try it NOW. Unless i have the 2 signs he mention… pls contract pls dilate!

IF i decide to wait and really falls on the holiday season (30th Aug to 1st Sep) everything will be double charges and the doc who delivered me is unknown. well i dun really care who deliver now, i just want it to be natural. i really feel very frustrated bcoz doc told me the head is fully engage already. It’s ready anytime.. i just need to hv the signs.. the contractions to push it further down and open up my cervix… why issit not happening yet? *argh* and if it happen on the holiday season, Ha-B won’t be around also… he have to work. 😦 so really hope the bb knows how to choose his timing wisely.

There is nothing wrong with csec actually, i can hv the perfect timing while Ha-B is by my side and everything pre-plan and well plan but perhaps there’s some “ego” inside me.. or something like tat that i feel if i don’t go for natural this time, there will NEVER be another chance. And maybe i feel like a failure.. of course the 1 thing tat is always in my mind is Jdric. who is going to carry him, who is going to take care of him. my wound will be super long to heal completely at least 6mth. I’ll be devastated not able to carry him, he’ll be wondering why mummy doesn’t want to carry him anymore. he’ll surely be sad and depress.. oh.. how all these is going to break my heart… so God, pls pls pls …

BB’s weight : 3.4kg

Mummy’s weight : 86kg

BTW happy birthday to me..

The kancheong 9 minutes

Ever since my last check up with Dr TWK i haven’t been sleeping well… why? Bcoz he told me the bb might come out earlier than expected and ANYTIME. So ask me to pack my bag and stay at home.. everynite i will hv nite i will dream of labor.. the slightest kick i’ll wake up and “monitor” the movement.. i think by the time the bb is ready to come out i’ll be to tired to push..

There’s 1 nite i dream tat i’m havin my contraction and this friend JC is encouraging me tru MSN! all the weirdest dream.. some ppl told me it’s a sign!

All the “signs” ytd nite was the most kancheong moment of all. I had the very sharp and painful feel-like-shit feeling at 2.14am! (now days i will monitor the exact time i get up, just in case) I don’t know why most nite around 3am i’ll be waking up and go for my toilet business… dun care big or small. So i was thinking there’s not so much of a big deal.. after pee i go back to sleep. At 2.23am the sharp pain comes again. Again, i’m thinking no big deal la coz bb is still kicking inside me. According to experienced ppl they say bb will not move so much when bb is about to come out. So i ignore and also my mentrual-cramps-like-feeling always happen at nite wan. Again there’s this tingling feeling pain, not so painful but can feel it at 2.32am. This time i’m abit more alert because after i calculate all the timing, it’s exactly 9 mins apart. So i just put my phone beside me and wait for the next triggering pain. I fall asleep… suddenly a very sharp pain woke me up and i look at the time… GUESS WHAT??!! EXACTLY 2.41am. Gosh! this time i nearly pee in my pants dy… my head is running wild… need put on my clothing and wait for 2.50am… should i should i not. Then i start to walk around the room, go toilet and try to poo just in case it’s just normal poo. Nothing come out.. just pee. Looking at the time… wait wait wait wait… 2.52am nothing happen. *phew* i went back to sleep…. 4 times, 4 exactly the same interval time… what does that means?

Rough Estimation of my 2nd delivery

1st confinement is done by my mom and i’m staying at her place. Most of the  groceries is also provided by mom and dad. This 2nd delivery expected to spend more $$$ coz

(1) Ha-B is not around and i need more helper.

(2) Might just stop at 2nd due to $$$ so just do it once and for all

Estimate :

– Delivery cost RM4k if csec or RM2k (plus) if natural

– Confinement Lady : RM3.5k

– Sundries & herbs : RM700

– Groceries : RM500

– Chicken essence : RM150 ( estimate 5 boxes)

– Tukang urut : RM160 ( estimate 4 times)

– House cleaner : RM160 ( estimate 2 times)

– Baby’s stuff : RM200 ( current purchase only diaper x 2 : RM50; remaining is for formula milk backup )

– Utility increased from RM80 to RM200 : RM120 extra

Total rough estimation is around RM9500. I really really hope i can have a natural birth without complication or wat-so-ever and can have enough BM immediately after giving birth. Also praying baby M is going to be healthy no jaundice and gov jap is sufficient. Really saving alot from there too…

Engagement

After 3 weeks since last visit, mummy gain 1kg … baby also gain 1kg. So…. meaning.. again… i didn’t gain any weight but all absorb by bb. And again my bb is being a very huge eater toward final month.. AND AGAIN IT’S A HUGE BABY! 3kg now! (suppose to be arnd 2.6kg)

But anyway doc say my bb’s head is engage already ! *yeah* *yeah* (compare to Jdric last time no engagement at all) Altho there’s no dilation yet but bb M can come out already anytime so get ready.. However due to this engagement, my groin is SUPER DUPER PAINFUL!!!!  i cannot walk properly, cannot lift my legs too high. I cannot straight away stand or get down from bed. I really feel like crying out loud! If bb M gets too big, i’m still unable to hv a natural birth due to 2 reason

(1) Rupture and tear due to my csec previously

(2) Pelvic bone or the passage way is fix ( i dunno wat he actually means lah), therefore if bb too huge bb is unable to squeeze tru the bone. There is no such thing as pelvic expanding he said. hm… abit doubtful but i shall not worry too much as God will know what’s best for me. Maybe my doc juz wanna be safe than be sorry

Mummy’s weight : 86kg

Baby’s M weight : 3kg

Since baby M is such a good boy; being engage.. mummy bought (but daddy pay) a set of PJ from World of Babies for him (6-12mth) juz in case he is huge. =D

Preparation for Jdric, daddy bought a set of book and mummy found a set of toys in the store room. I’m going to bring it together with me to the hospital and when Jdric see his didi i’m going to tell him it’s from didi. Hopefully he’ll accept his didi better. I’m also planing to send Jdric off to Selayang after i deliver too. Sad, but i don’t think i can manage him. Even this moment, i’m already too in pain and tired to chase him arnd. After delivery I’m afraid i’ll be even more tired and too painful to take care of him. I’m sure 1wk won’t hurt kua….. i really feel soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo guilty about it.

Frequent Bowel Movements

It’s has been a week … increasing of my bowel movements….to be exact is floating loose bowel *sorree for the gross description*  probably around 3-4 times per day.. but sometimes more! There’s 1 day i even tot i’m going for my labor already! Coz there’s this sharp pain and cramps like period pain. Anyway thank God nothing happen. I was in Selayang tat time.

Today i’m back to Malacca, waitting for my due date (DD) which is 4wks away. I keep complaining to mom that i’m constantly shitting! Which is a good thing because i get to clear my bowel before delivery. i’m worrying that i might shit during my labor. 😛 I think everybody did … rite? or not? Anyway mom is saying that the bb is coming any time soon which i (again) refuse to believe. So i search online to clarified and to my horror…. she is right! It’s one of the signs… goodness me.. i’m just 2 more days entering my 37th weeks and if i deliver now would my bb be premature?

Of course there’s other signs too that scared me at this point…Braxton-Hicks contractions,  cervical discharge but i guess it’s my cold drinks that causes it. And this morning my underwear is wet with abit of yellow-ish stain which i’m worried also my amniotic fluid had been leaking. I cannot differentiate it’s my urine or my sweat or my fluid. Am i over worrying for nothing?

i’ll just go for an early check up tomorrow instead of waiting for another week lah…

 

Baby M *updates*

I realise that during my 1st pregnancy  i didn’t do any updates on the baby or me!  So let me start now and hoping my 3rd pregnancy (if financially we’re stable and God entrusted me again) i can refer too

Weeks 26:

My weight : 82kg (put on 12-14kg )

Baby weight : ~1kg (ops huge baby again)

I remember at this stage i was 6kg-8kg extra only during my 1st preg. During my 1st trimester i lost 2kg lagi tu~~~ 😦

Anyway everything is fine, baby face wasn’t too clear but doc said he hv normal “feature”. Fingers still not able to count because he was fist-ing all the time. Umbilical cord was in safe position for now… The baby position is not in the best position for 4D scan but nvmd la, Jdric also didn’t had 4D coz he was facing backward all the time. He caught me by surprise when i 1st saw him.. sooo Ha-B look.  The scene is still very fresh in my head.. *sweeet*

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Many friends warn me about baby M’s name. If you google the name will be for someone who is rebellious, even potentially disruptive,policies or ideas. Sound bad rite? All because this Maverick didn’t want to brand his cow. But today because of his actions he is someone who exhibits great independence in thought and action. My friend MY even send me an article she is studying in her MBA about Maverick’s genius act!!

The below is what i’d search online…

34 Rules for Maverick Entrepreneurs

1. It’s got to be a BIG idea that you, your team and your customers can “get” in seconds.
2. Strive to create 10x – 100x in value for any price you charge. Your rewards are always proportionate to the value you provide.
3. You must charge a premium price so you have a large margin to provide an extraordinary value & experience.
4. Provide a ‘Reason Why’ customers should do business with you and pay you a premium.
5. Get paid before you deliver your product or service. And when possible figure out how to create recurring revenue from transactions.
6. You get to make the rules for your business. Don’t let industry norms dictate how you’ll work or who you’ll work with.
7. Create your business around your life instead of settling for your life around your business.
8. Consistently and constantly force yourself to focus on the ‘critically few’ proactive activities that produce exponential results. Don’t get caught up in minutia & bullshit.
9. Seek to minimize start-up risk but have maximum upside potential.
10. Get your idea out there as fast as possible even if it’s not quite ready by setting must-hit deadlines. Let the market tell you if you have a winner or not. If not – move on and fail forward fast! If it’s got potential – then you can make it better.
11. Find partners and team members who are strong where you are weak and appreciate being paid on results.
12. Your reputation always counts. Honor your obligations and agreements.
13. Never, ever get paid based on hours worked.
14. Leverage your marketing activities exponentially by using direct response methods and testing.
15. Measure and track your marketing so you know what’s working and what’s not.
16. Bootstrap. Having too much capital leads to incredible waste and doing things using conventional means.
17. Your partners and employees actions are their true core – not what they tell you.
18. Keep asking the right questions to come up with innovative solutions. “How?”, “What?”, “Where?”, “Who Else?” & “Why?” open up possibilities.
19. You’ll never have a perfect business and you’ll never be totally “done”. Deal with it.
20. Focus most of your time on your core strengths and less time working in areas you suck at.
21. Make it easier for customers to buy by taking away the risk of the transaction by guaranteeing what you do in a meaningful way.
22. Always have something else to sell (via upsell, cross-sell, follow-up offer, etc) whenever a transaction takes place. The hottest buyer in the world is one who just gave you money.
23. Always go back to your existing customers with exceptional offers and reasons they should give you more money. It’s 5x less expensive to sell to happy customers than go find new ones.
24. However the flip side is – fire your most annoying customers. They’ll be replaced with the right ones.
25. The marketplace and competitors are always trying to beat you down to a commodity. Don’t let that happen.
26. Develop and build your business’s personality that stands out. People want to buy from people.
27. Create your own category so you can be first in the consumer’s mind.
28. Go the opposite direction competitors are headed – you’ll stand out.
29. Mastermind and collaborate with other smart entrepreneurs if they have futures that are even bigger than their present.
30. Celebrate your victories. It’s too easy to simply move on to your next goal without acknowledging and appreciating the ‘win’.
31. Make your business AND doing business with you FUN!
32. Do the unexpected before and after anything goes wrong so customers are compelled to ‘share your story’.
33. Get a life! Business and making money are important but your life is the sum total of your experiences. Go out and create experiences & adventures so you can come back renewed and inspired for your next big thing.
34. Give back! Commit to taking a % of your company’s sales and make a difference. It this becomes a habit like brushing your teeth pretty soon the big checks with lots of zeros won’t be scary to write. If you think you can’t donate a percentage of your sales simply raise your price.