Kindy had started

Day 1 : Very kesian he was quite stunt upon reaching. He didn’t react, didnt cry but he was stunt. Class start at 8.30am but we send him there 7.45am so he could be earlier and warm up. We were hoping that we could accompany him until he was abit more familiar. But principle insist we leave immediately. 😦 Peep him from afar and he wasn’t playing.. just standing there looking at others. Orientation for 2 days and therefore class ends at 11am. We just hang around and waste time. Mom was with us… sat at McD and could see M was also bored without his big bro. didnt even wan to play with the slides.

Image(stand and watch and no playing)

When i was picking him up.. he changed. He had vomited… over stress?  But he was teacher said he was  acting like a big boy in class. He even told the boy next to him who was sleeping “wake up, teacher say write ur ABC”.. after class he help all other children to put up the chairs on the table. 🙂 my always helpful boy..

Image(changed into tshirt coz he vomited and dirty his uniform)

Day 2 : Mom and i fetch him to school. He cried again. He told me i threw him in school alone. He is scared. However teacher said he was more comfortable in the classroom… i really wonder why. Today he did his first art & craft.

Image      Image(first art work)


(Teacher Ang, i think is his class teacher)

Day 3 : School end 12pm today. Still orientation week. Still crying and vomited in my car! Upon reaching the junction he had started to cry. *sigh* Even got scolding from Mboy, “dont leave koko alone in school” Now days even Mboy is afraid of the word “teacher” and “school”. Both my kids were traumatise by it 😦

Day 4 : Raining. Had to let teacher drag him into the school. Parent are not allow in. He was crying and shouting spreading his arms reaching for me.. *sigh* Here comes the homework. All the other subject he was able to finish in class but only chinese he need to bring home. i had to make him practice on a piece of paper…


( even simple word also looks so difficult for a child)

Day 7 : Went to see the principle to get more information on how was he able to cope. I wasn’t much worry about his academic. I was more concern about his feeling and confident. He seems to be a brave and independent boy. Did the first day approach really broken him down so badly? Drop and leave. Principle feedback was he is able to follow instruction, concentrate, participate he even ask his friends if he didnt know wat to do. When they talk about weather he can relate to thunder and lighting. However he doesn’t like loud noise and screaming and singing. He will close his ears. He also wasnt good with motor skill coz he cannot follow the dotted line. BUT i think more of impatience. He normally likes to do things fast. Of course in terms academic he is lacking but principle suggest that he will be put into another class to recap those learn in 4yo and they will go slower. Oh ya.. he constantly remind the teachers that “my mummy will cam fetch me” – i sense he is really insecure. T.T

Day 10 (16th Jan) : Still crying before getting down. But he did walk into the classroom himself. He had to get the assurance that i will pick him up later. So he will tell me “i love you”, kiss me and wave goodbye. I really wonder how i can boost his confidence again.

The reason i pick this school is because i sense the principle is a very responsible person. She teaches because of the love of teaching and not money. She even hv plans on how to improve and let J pick up from where he is left out. The school teacher are very careful with the children safety.

Image (2 bungalow)


(cars lining up to pick up the kids)


(teachers will send one by one to their respective cars)

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What you should know before – Getting pregnant

this is my 3rd pregnancy. All of it is not the same. I was working with my first preg and things were abit stress at work. Everybody seems to be getting on my nerve and those old ppl who came to their documents signed is always getting the unsatisfied result from me . Maybe if i wasnt preg i will handle it differently? i dunno..  second preg was more of emotional break down. everything i had to do alone. everything had to faced alone. and worst is tat i hv a younger toddler to take care and everything seems to be more difficult. where is my husband? he is of course far away “enjoying” his get away with his new shop. me? i am always crying alone..  this is my 3rd.. and i am still having frustration mode and breakdown mode… i dun cry alone anymore coz i just blow it out. but being very sensitive over anything. maybe if i wasn’t preg i wont feel this way? but this is just me.. i feel depress or down i dun wan to keep. i anger it out. keeping it will only make me having more breakdowns.

maybe some would say.. so what being pregnant? everybody need to pleased u? BUT not everyone just the person who impregnates me should at least be apart of this pregnancy. while the woman are constantly carrying a huge belly with pain and worries, the guys shld also be involve in other things like taking care their well being and emotions. no?

the hardest part of being pregnant is the supports around you. i recently knew a couple of friends who plans to keep their child alone.  i pity them.. and i pity the bb … how are they going to be 9mth preggy with no support from the partner. even i hv hubby i’m already breaking down all the time… and then with all the pregnancy symptom.. nausea, fatigue, reflux.. nobody to manja. nobody to take care.. i really wonder how.. really hv to be very very strong. *sigh*

It crush my heart


There’s this collection thingy going on at Tesco. Spend min RM50 and get a sticker. With 10 sticker u get a free figurine or pay RM5 with 5 stickers. And is not like u get to choose which figurine u like. it is all in a box and it is by luck u get wat u wan. i hv 5 stickers collected and decided to get 1. J was waiting at the counter with me and he request to hv spiderman. i explain to him we can’t choose and only get to see when the box is open. anyway the 1st figurine we got was sully the big blue monster from Monster inc. J was abit disappointed but he didnt throw tantrum. however M was making a big fuss that he wanted it. So i told J to gv it to him. After we complete our groceries, we manage to collect another 5 stickers and so we went to get another figurine.

J still wanted a spiderman and this time we got ironman.. and again M was making alot noise when he saw the ironman. Awfully alot of noise i told J to gv it to his bro. He was reluctant but i didn’t force him. So on the way to the car, M still shouting and screaming and in the end J just voluntarily gv it to his bro. J ended up with Sully and his bro wont even let him touch the ironman.

*sigh* this is the part my heart really crush. Maybe some will say tat should teach M not to have watever he wants. or.. maybe some will just think that J wasn’t really interested in it anyway tat why he gv it away. But as a mom, i saw him waiting to get his spiderman and in the end he had to gv away his ironman (which is 2nd best) and ended up with sully… i really feel heart broken. as tho i had failed him. as tho i cannot fullfill him *SIGH*

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New fire truck bed

We recently bought a preloved fire truck bunker bed for my 2 sons. I do not like the double decker coz of the ceiling fans and also afraid the top sleeper will have terrible fall. Altho was preloved it looks new, and one of the mattress that comes with it was not being used before. We bought over with RM1k. Pil say was too much to pay but i think it is a good buy 🙂

They used to sleep one on my left, one on my right. With the new bb arrival, would really love if J could sleep on his own. And hoping M will somehow follow.

Day 1: I sleep with J on his fire truck until he falls asleep while M sleep with papa. After both of them fall asleep i move M to the fire truck bed at arnd 3am and couldn’t sleep after that. Arnd 4am J creep over to our bed and then i could sleep soundly. 😀 i think the mommy can’t sleep w/o her boys. 



(Glad that J really love the bed and he would do reading/viewing on his bed)

Day 2 : Again i sleep on the fire truck while J tries to fall asleep and M was sleeping with papa. i told J, i will move didi here with him and mama will go back to her bed. issit OK? He says OK and there is nothing to be afraid off. So i did. About 15min later i hear him sobbing and i ask why? He said, “i want mama”. Aw~~ so i have to put him to sleep again together 3 of us cramp into the small single size bed. But before i could doze off in my own bed he is awake again and climbing unto my bed… until morning. Didi manage to sleep tru.

Day 3 : Disaster. He refuse to sleep on his bed. i ask him why he said he is afraid. He insist sleeping with me. I told him i need to send back his bed if she didn’t like his bed. Told him also we could see each other and we are so near (only 2 feets apart) He tried.. he really tried to go back to his bed.. he even told me, “mama, go back to ur bed” but midnite both end up sleeping with us.

Day 4 : He request to push the bed together. i was thinking.. well maybe if the beds is stick together he will be more confident. NO. the can easily roll unto our bed again. -_-

Day 5 : We made it. We separate the bed but it was 1feet distance. This time put M to sleep in the fire truck and move J over. He was still awake when i move him but i told him. Didi will be accompany him. Well he did manage to sleep tru till morning. M however manage to climb unto my bed at midnite.


(Day 5 was a bit of a success for J)


(M still no hope to sleep alone)

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Caring for each other

I am glad that my two boys are constantly thinking of each other. Especially koko. Whatever he do he wants didi to hv them too…bad or good. ytd we went shopping and J grab a box of choc and he insist didi also wanted one box. And so he pick one box and hand over to his little bro on the stroller. Seeing this… how not to buy two rite ? Even tho one box have twelve small pack inside.

Today i secret gv lil mboy a strip of seaweed after he finish his meal. I wanted J to finish his then i will gv him his portion but M insist that he needs to gv one to koko too. Sweet.. so i juz didnt bother with the rule “tidbits after meal” anymore. Juz glad they are united and always thinking of each other.

J is also a great help when it comes to getting himself ready. He can bathe himself as well as didi. Just likehow i bathe him. I will mention every part i wash, like hair head armpit neck leg feet etc…so he did the same with his bro. He cant relly wipe himself dry,but is ok. After shower he wear his own pj and dry his hair. There is once i heard him calling his didi to come over helping him to dry his hair. Is a great help already. He is able to apply tooth paste and brush his own teeth which i am happy about it too. Four years old.. helping me to prepare himself n lil bro, what can i ask for more rite?

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Sharing is Caring

J request to drink coke.. and so i allow him. But he insist that his little bro also wanted some. Normally he will drag his little bro into everything! Yes EVERYTHING as tho that with his little bro, everything mummy will say YES. So i was thinking probably he wanted his bro to have the coke is due to that – so that mummy say yes. So i told him, is OK. Mvric doesn’t want it and if he wants it u can share with him.

He took his cup which i pour in very little coke and gave to his bro to share! I am really happy. But his little bro just gulp in everything and made him furious. hahaha… but i gave him a little more coz he shared! 🙂 and.. nope this time he didn’t offer notti little bro.

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Happy 2nd birthday


This morning this bday boy as tho knew he is older. After pee, took his tooth brush and tooth paste to brush his himself. Sometimes mom hv to let go to see how they hv grown. He just do it without me asking and without my help.


Happy birthday my dear sweetie pie.. mom and dad will forever love u and pray u grow up to be a healthy and good person..

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Can only watch them

This boy is my first son.very caring and sensertive person… i had a terrible headache yesterday and cant wake up to do anything.  daddy also told him tat mummy is sick so be quiet. (I think) the whole day he was well behave. I slept whole day, when i was awake for 10min i started to vomit again.. i saw the whole house was in a messed. Full of toys… with my dying voice i told them to keep and they did. I dun even need to use the cane or shout at them.once said and it is done. Should remind myself less of yelling… or more of falling sick ? Hehe..

Looking at them, i felt relieve and continue my sleep, my elder son keep coming and take a look at me, i wasnt very concious, but i knew wat he did, he gv me his smelly pillow, kiss me on the forehead. keep coming back to check out on me too. Touching my face, my head and telling me “mama, dun sick sick”

My yonger son was also checking on me once awhile,asking me how am i and caressing my head.

When i am sick i can see them better, coz there is nothing i can do but to watch them while lying on the sick bed…..this is the time dun need to do anything just be with them… or perhaps they are being with me… thanks to hubby who did all the cooking and feeding..

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Breastfeeding Week : 1-7th Aug

My journey…

i’m coming to 24th month already. Had try to start him with FM 2 months back. Reason being my period is here and my supply drop during mentrual. Making him sucking so darn hard and still not a drop AND my nipple feels falling off. Anyway, nearly 2yrs i’m happy already. Anything beyond that is definitely a bonus. Since i’m DL all the time it makes me very hard to wean off and drinking from a bottle takes practice. Feeding him with morning and nite session with FM. Somehow he is still waking midnite to suckle for comfort. This also tired me out.

These days i’d been tell him my nen nen is painful, there’s once i put chilli sauce to tease him off… haha… good for practicing eating chilli. But it was just for fun.. dun wan to do tat to him. But i’d been telling him i’m in pain and my milk spoilt. There is no more milk left inside.

Today i told him that, he show me his pitiful face, “sayang-sayang” while caressing my head. Then i told him dun drink nen2 anymore kay. He nod his head and then.. lie the other side of the breast. -_-“

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You see, for the first child. i did not have any problems weaning him. He just stop it. Once fine day, when i offer to him, he just reject it and shy off. Never again he want to suckle. I weep. I feel rejected.

So comes my 2nd child and he is 23mth now. Still fully breastfeed and i tot it is time. My period came 2 mth ago and my milk supply drop tremendously. It is so pityful for him that he didn’t get any milk form suckling but i know he just wants comfort. BUT my nipple is soo sore.  I offer him fresh milk and he likes it. Probably it is cold. But then after that is still suckle. I gave him FM he refuse the bottle but using FORCE and scaring him with the cane, he can take is 4oz… and not more. *sigh*

Many parent are saying that kid above 1 do not need milk anymore. They have enough calcium from their daily intake like cheese and yoghurt. I still feel bad and wrong about that. How can a kid don’t drink milk? i drink up till 12yo! But anyway it is very individual. So trying to force FM into Mboy and freshmilk is like forcing a cat to bathe (you do know cats don’t like water, rite?) It takes alot of patience and determination. Everynite i had to reject him and let him crying. Thinking that after a few nites he will soon realise that the crying wont bring milk. The crying wont win anything. There is even point i bring him to the door and told him if he cry i’ll throw him out in the dark. He is scared of course and dare not cry too long after that. It is very pityful to see his face, each time he want to suck, he feel guilty., and if i open up his laugh, his smile…  i cannot explain.

Today a mom wrote, her dotter came to her and told her that she will kiss her nen2 and wont suck. I feel like it is so sad, is like she wants it but know she cannot have it, so kissing it will do. Maybe the little gal is willing to let go already… if my son where to tell me tat… i’ll melt straight and offer him again. I think the bottom line.. i dun have heart to wean.

So why in the 1st place i want to wean… besides all the goodness? I think no one ever mention there is the BAD about breastfeed. Especially to the mothers. Children are more clingy. Tendency of backache, stiff neck and  shoulder ache. The pain is unbearable and can last up till 6months. The more you breastfeed the more ache it is. and then you’ll say all those gadget will help. NO. they don’t and won’t. For me is this 2 points that really make me very frustrated. But of course, you can’t leave your kids for vacation alone. worst if ur kids cant be bottled fed. during ur period u feel ur milk production is not enough and thankfully mine came only 23rd mth.

so next mth he will be 2 and… am i ready?

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