No backing Out

Looks like there is no backing out. I always believe deep down inside my that God will provide, i just need to leave EVERYTHING to him, i don’t need to think too much coz when “it” comes, everything will fall into place. But somehow, my brain and mind i cannot control! I’d been awake since 5am.. and this happen very frequent!

Pre-calculated, living expenses in this place for a family of 4 will be arnd RM6k itu pun if we watch what we spend. 2 yrs ago when i delivered Jdric i don’t need to worry where, who, why, what. Now i’m praying hard that i can go for natural birth besides the benefits of natural birth also so i can save RM2k, i’m praying so that i can dilate very fast so i dun need to stay over nite in the hospital, i’m praying i do not need any anesthetic so i can save RM600, i’m thinking should i go for government hospital instead. I’m thinking should i even go for my confinement. Stress stress

biz good ma? 3mths pass since the opening. I’m still very worried about the financial status altho Ha-B assured me that everything will be OK. But looking at the figures just trouble me.

Other will say “Good for the start. At least no need to rugi”

– Yes, it’s very good BUT we have 4 mouth to feed. No loss is good but it’s not good enough! My 2 kids are not going to live on grass or breathe air. And then how long will this last until everything is stable? 1yr? 2yrs?

Everybody keep telling me “Aiya future will be better”

– Why nobody talk about NOW? What about now? How are we going to survive NOW? Tak akan i just put my son and i in the freezer and froze us until “future” arrive then only take out and defrost?

Then ppl will be telling me “I should go back to work to help out with the financial?”

– Then again i will ask why when everything is already in place and now because of 1 move the whole family is in jeopardy, shaken.. i even felt it’s falling apart. I’m always hating those ppl who support this move, financially or verbally or even mentally. They put me into this situation. Yes i know “hate” is a big word and a sin but again.. i cannot control my EQ *argh*

Now we’re already stepping into 2nd phase. Baby M is coming out soon. Mentally i’m not prepared. New baby is already a very stressful thing by just thinking how to handle. Now 2 babies to take care. Everything is still so shaken and unstable. Not only financially but also physically.. like where are we going to settle down? Hopefully Malacca house can be sold off ASAP. Aiming for a house in Selangor so that we can have a proper home.  Cannot turn back already. No matter how i hate, dislike… must move FORWARD and trust God. Besides what my friend SY said is correct pun, not say i can help with the financial.. think or worry so much for wat? Just focus my part on the 2 babies (like wat other housewives does) and let Ha-B handle his part. Split our responsibilities…

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One thought on “No backing Out

  1. Somemore have to think of feeding, diapering and all leh… if can breastfeed, then good, if can potty train fast then good. Then not just feeding kids, we also need to eat leh… insurance leh, ltr 1st child go school leh… many many things to think… but I don’t know la, I have yet to think until so far. I just trust God will provide!

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