Welcome Mavric

The date is getting closer and closer…

When jdric is on the way, everyone is anxiously waiting for him. We had things prepare for him and waiting excitedly. Papa was around tat time, mama is talking to him all the time. Even ah po also bought a PJ for him to wear when discharge from hospital. When i first saw him, i was like looking at a total stranger but i had feelings for him soo deeply.

Now bb M is like non existing. He is growing inside me but no sign of preparation… i’m not prepared?

This morning waking up, looking at Jdric i cried my heart out thinking tat today will the last morning i wake up together with him ALONE. I’ll be missing him, missing carrying him, missing my 1 to 1 time with him.  (I talk like i’m going to die or wat) Jdric just look at me bodoh bodoh and lie close to me. Early early morning emo dy.

Actually who is clinging to whom? I realise that i’m too attached to him. It’s not him. I should learn to “let go” of Jdric. Probably he is already old enough to be on his own. Probably he’s excited to have partner in crime. Why am i feeling that i’m losing him instead of feeling that i’ll gain another precious? 2 Jdric !! God must have had his plan and decision why i can’t  have my contraction. There is nothing to be sad or depress about not having natural delivery. He’ll have other plans for me. It’s also good that Ha-B do not hv to rush down or got carried away in the middle of his shooting.

So tomorrow onwards.. i’ll be a new mom again.. happy new motherhood and save delivery Miki Chua! (looking forward to BF again *yippie* – forgotten if i meantion b4 tat when i wean off i was also very depress about it. so now i can BF again *double yippie*)

And to be very very proud i’m able to say, “These are my CHILDREN” – consider upgrade also rite?

Mavric Phang, come see papa,mama and koko who had been waiting for you for very-long 265 days =D

 

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Decision decision

I got 2nd opinion from my uncle MS. Whatever Dr TWK mention was not exactly wrong or being bias… it is indeed in science term safe for the sake of mummy and baby.

(1) Induction for me if there is no sign of contraction will rupture my wound because the contraction will cause pressure if there is no opening of cervix, the pressure is going to “explode” my wound which is true what Dr TWK told me. Is like a punctured balloon (my wound) that is insert with more air (induction)

(2) Induction is only allow if there is and opening because there is an opening and pressure will push the baby to the opening instead putting pressure against my wound. Therefore it’s save for induction if there is natural contraction and opening of cervix.

(3) Indeed history of 4kg is a huge baby. If by this week baby M don’t show any sign of coming out NATURALLY, i should let go what ever is in my mind and go for csec because csec is safer for mummy and baby compare to induction.

So Dr MS conclusion by this week, no sign of natural, go for csec.. baby which is above 3.8kg is no longer safe for me to go for natural birth. Sad to say but looks like the decision is clearly stated. And since by end of this week baby M is for sure going to be arnd 3.8kg (history shows he is growing at the rate of 300g per week), i should just not risk any extra $$ and “gamble” tat he will not come out during holiday season and kena double charge!

But suddenly another thing that cross my mind is..is it going to be safe? He is just entering 38th wk. Just finish 37th week. Lung fully function? Liver? Brain? bla bla bla.. supposingly now is the fats building up only.. but what if the calculation is wrong.. *yaiks* am i having pre-natal depression/anxiety?

i’m my own doc

After being my own doc, searching the web up and down i am very firm that i should wait and be patience. At least until week 40. More over uterine rupture is usually below 1% . I don’t think i’ll be so suey kua. VBAC is possible if :

– A previous vaginal delivery (before or after a cesarean delivery) – Not applicable

– Nonrecurring reason for cesarean delivery (such as malposition, breech, multiples, fetal distress, placenta previa) – Not applicable

– Previous delivery of a baby weighing less than 4000 grams – Fail

– Spontaneous labor (no induction or augmentation) – That why doc say cannot induce

– Pregnancy length of 40 weeks or less – So after 10th Sept i need to go for csec

– Greater cervical dilation at admission – must keep this in mind

– Greater cervical dilation at rupture of membranes – must keep this in mind

– Cervical effacement that reaches 75-90% upon admission – must keep this in mind

– A single, vertex position baby (head down) – Pass

– The baby’s head being engaged or lower in the pelvis – Pass

– A higher Bishop score (a scoring system to estimate the success of induction) – I don’t think my doc will be so hardworking

The statement below really voice out my situation:

“If you were given the following reasons for a previous cesarean and are considering a repeat cesarean, you may wish to discuss the following with your health care provider:

Dystocia: Dystocia refers to a long and difficult labor due to slow cervical dilation, a small pelvis, or a big baby. Many women who are given this reason for previous cesareans, deliver vaginally the next time, and give birth to a bigger baby than the first! ACOG states that the effects [or difficulties] of labor with a baby more than 8 ¾ lbs have not been substantiated.

There is not evidence that a big baby necessitates a cesarean. The pelvis and the baby’s head are not rigid structures and both mold and change shape to allow for birth. During labor there are certain positions that a woman can use to help open up the pelvis, allowing a larger baby to move through. For example, squatting opens the outlet of the pelvis by 10%.”

Poor VBAC candidate :

– history of two or more prior low-transverse incision cesareans – Not applicable

– twins in the current pregnancy – Not applicable

– gestation beyond 40 weeks – so if after 40wk then i should “let go”

– suspected macrosomia (big baby) which is more than 4.5kg – this is why doc said if bb come out now is OK for natural (3.4kg ma) if wait until due date means it will be huge baby and normally 2nd bb will be bigger compare to 1st

– prior low vertical incision – Not applicable

– unknown prior scar, unless there is a high suspicion that the prior scar is a classical incision – Not applicable

– obesity – i think he didn’t mention this point coz he doesn’t want to hurt me (muahahah)

 

Conclusion : i don’t want to think or worry anymore, wait until week 40 if no sign, then cut cut cut. Let God decide.. i hope tonite i can sleep peacefully

 

Reference:

http://givingbirthwithconfidence.org/2-2/a-womans-guide-to-vbac/are-you-an-%E2%80%9Cideal%E2%80%9D-candidate-for-vbac-what-are-your-choices-if-not/

http://www.americanpregnancy.org/labornbirth/vbac.html

i don’t care and i want to do it – naturally

Visit gynae for bb M check up today. Bad news… really bad news. Baby is overly grown again (same case like Jdric) potential of having another huge bb or even bigger. Chances of natural is quite low, as the bb wouldn’t be able to pass tru the “canal” due to the large size. And if the bb cannot pass tru, there’s not-too-much-of-a-choice of medication to help me bcoz i had previously csec. (Oh.. y i didn’t think of asking him to vacuum or forceps)

I can’t go for induction coz the dose have to doubled because i hv no sign of contraction or dilation yet. And doubled the dose will stress the bb and will trigger my old wound to tear or rupture. So doc definitely will not try it NOW. Unless i have the 2 signs he mention… pls contract pls dilate!

IF i decide to wait and really falls on the holiday season (30th Aug to 1st Sep) everything will be double charges and the doc who delivered me is unknown. well i dun really care who deliver now, i just want it to be natural. i really feel very frustrated bcoz doc told me the head is fully engage already. It’s ready anytime.. i just need to hv the signs.. the contractions to push it further down and open up my cervix… why issit not happening yet? *argh* and if it happen on the holiday season, Ha-B won’t be around also… he have to work. 😦 so really hope the bb knows how to choose his timing wisely.

There is nothing wrong with csec actually, i can hv the perfect timing while Ha-B is by my side and everything pre-plan and well plan but perhaps there’s some “ego” inside me.. or something like tat that i feel if i don’t go for natural this time, there will NEVER be another chance. And maybe i feel like a failure.. of course the 1 thing tat is always in my mind is Jdric. who is going to carry him, who is going to take care of him. my wound will be super long to heal completely at least 6mth. I’ll be devastated not able to carry him, he’ll be wondering why mummy doesn’t want to carry him anymore. he’ll surely be sad and depress.. oh.. how all these is going to break my heart… so God, pls pls pls …

BB’s weight : 3.4kg

Mummy’s weight : 86kg

BTW happy birthday to me..

Baby Back Pack

My 1st baby bag by Sweet Cherry from my group of close friends, but the zip gave up on me about 1 year using it. Then 2nd baby bag by Kipling from a friend who used it as luggage bag! VC got bored of it and gave it to me. It’s huge but.. i don’t care as long as it’s free. Muahahah….

Not long ago, (14Aug2011) i redeemed my 3rd bb bag from bonuslink. It arrived today. 4 days after i redeemed. Cool eh~~ Look simple and nice and comes with a food bag. And this time.. finally it’s a back pack and we (Ha-B and i) don’t have to suffer shoulder ache anymore. With more/double stuff to carry with us, this bag is slightly smaller but looks like i juz need to reorganize my bag and bring very very less stuff. Coz it’s really like a baby back pack for baby 😛

 

Current stuff in my baby bag

– 1 set of clothing ( i used to bring 2 sets)

– 2 diaper

– milk power and 2 bottles

– thermos flask (0.7ml)

– tit-bits

– utensil + food cutting scissor + spare small container/bowl

– mosie guard, powder,nappy cream, baby oilment

– personal belonging (wallet and phone), sunglasses, key pouch

– water tumbler

– toys

– 2 sets of bibs

– dry + wet tissue + vomit bag + plastic bag + shopping bag

– nail clipper

The kancheong 9 minutes

Ever since my last check up with Dr TWK i haven’t been sleeping well… why? Bcoz he told me the bb might come out earlier than expected and ANYTIME. So ask me to pack my bag and stay at home.. everynite i will hv nite i will dream of labor.. the slightest kick i’ll wake up and “monitor” the movement.. i think by the time the bb is ready to come out i’ll be to tired to push..

There’s 1 nite i dream tat i’m havin my contraction and this friend JC is encouraging me tru MSN! all the weirdest dream.. some ppl told me it’s a sign!

All the “signs” ytd nite was the most kancheong moment of all. I had the very sharp and painful feel-like-shit feeling at 2.14am! (now days i will monitor the exact time i get up, just in case) I don’t know why most nite around 3am i’ll be waking up and go for my toilet business… dun care big or small. So i was thinking there’s not so much of a big deal.. after pee i go back to sleep. At 2.23am the sharp pain comes again. Again, i’m thinking no big deal la coz bb is still kicking inside me. According to experienced ppl they say bb will not move so much when bb is about to come out. So i ignore and also my mentrual-cramps-like-feeling always happen at nite wan. Again there’s this tingling feeling pain, not so painful but can feel it at 2.32am. This time i’m abit more alert because after i calculate all the timing, it’s exactly 9 mins apart. So i just put my phone beside me and wait for the next triggering pain. I fall asleep… suddenly a very sharp pain woke me up and i look at the time… GUESS WHAT??!! EXACTLY 2.41am. Gosh! this time i nearly pee in my pants dy… my head is running wild… need put on my clothing and wait for 2.50am… should i should i not. Then i start to walk around the room, go toilet and try to poo just in case it’s just normal poo. Nothing come out.. just pee. Looking at the time… wait wait wait wait… 2.52am nothing happen. *phew* i went back to sleep…. 4 times, 4 exactly the same interval time… what does that means?

Rough Estimation of my 2nd delivery

1st confinement is done by my mom and i’m staying at her place. Most of the  groceries is also provided by mom and dad. This 2nd delivery expected to spend more $$$ coz

(1) Ha-B is not around and i need more helper.

(2) Might just stop at 2nd due to $$$ so just do it once and for all

Estimate :

– Delivery cost RM4k if csec or RM2k (plus) if natural

– Confinement Lady : RM3.5k

– Sundries & herbs : RM700

– Groceries : RM500

– Chicken essence : RM150 ( estimate 5 boxes)

– Tukang urut : RM160 ( estimate 4 times)

– House cleaner : RM160 ( estimate 2 times)

– Baby’s stuff : RM200 ( current purchase only diaper x 2 : RM50; remaining is for formula milk backup )

– Utility increased from RM80 to RM200 : RM120 extra

Total rough estimation is around RM9500. I really really hope i can have a natural birth without complication or wat-so-ever and can have enough BM immediately after giving birth. Also praying baby M is going to be healthy no jaundice and gov jap is sufficient. Really saving alot from there too…

Engagement

After 3 weeks since last visit, mummy gain 1kg … baby also gain 1kg. So…. meaning.. again… i didn’t gain any weight but all absorb by bb. And again my bb is being a very huge eater toward final month.. AND AGAIN IT’S A HUGE BABY! 3kg now! (suppose to be arnd 2.6kg)

But anyway doc say my bb’s head is engage already ! *yeah* *yeah* (compare to Jdric last time no engagement at all) Altho there’s no dilation yet but bb M can come out already anytime so get ready.. However due to this engagement, my groin is SUPER DUPER PAINFUL!!!!  i cannot walk properly, cannot lift my legs too high. I cannot straight away stand or get down from bed. I really feel like crying out loud! If bb M gets too big, i’m still unable to hv a natural birth due to 2 reason

(1) Rupture and tear due to my csec previously

(2) Pelvic bone or the passage way is fix ( i dunno wat he actually means lah), therefore if bb too huge bb is unable to squeeze tru the bone. There is no such thing as pelvic expanding he said. hm… abit doubtful but i shall not worry too much as God will know what’s best for me. Maybe my doc juz wanna be safe than be sorry

Mummy’s weight : 86kg

Baby’s M weight : 3kg

Since baby M is such a good boy; being engage.. mummy bought (but daddy pay) a set of PJ from World of Babies for him (6-12mth) juz in case he is huge. =D

Preparation for Jdric, daddy bought a set of book and mummy found a set of toys in the store room. I’m going to bring it together with me to the hospital and when Jdric see his didi i’m going to tell him it’s from didi. Hopefully he’ll accept his didi better. I’m also planing to send Jdric off to Selayang after i deliver too. Sad, but i don’t think i can manage him. Even this moment, i’m already too in pain and tired to chase him arnd. After delivery I’m afraid i’ll be even more tired and too painful to take care of him. I’m sure 1wk won’t hurt kua….. i really feel soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo guilty about it.