I’m a full time mummy wrote something in her blog which makes me worried for few days. I don’t know how i’ll react. She was facing a situation where her son’s toys was being grab away and should she “Accept It or Retaliate”. I think i’ll just move my son away from the situation to prevent him from crying and tell my son that’s a notti boy and we don’t want to play with him. But all these sound so wrong but.. i don’t want to create a scene ma…but to bring him away is also an action that indirectly telling him that he did something wrong that’s why he had to move! *argh* I was so disturb by the situation bcoz i know i’ll soon to face it…
Anyway i’d manage to experience the situation myself in really. But what i’d observe my son did is really something that.. put a big smile on my face and huge relieve. We went to a party where he was taking a balloon… and then some kid who is younger than him trying to grab it from him. He went behind the chair and hide himself so that the other kid can’t reach him. He didn’t, or let others take his things.. he just protect himself. I’m soo happy.. even tho it’s a sign that he is not sharing.. but hey.. experts says, kids don’t learn to share until they are 3yrs old. 🙂 call it an excuse but i’m relieve he is taking good care of himself.
To make things even happier for me, the entire party he didn’t even cling to me. He just get somebody to carry him to reach to the balloon which is hanging high. He went to all the kids to play with them or to initiate to play with them. He chase kids who are older than him while giving mommy (me) time to eat and chat with friends! I see other kids who is clinging to mom and i’m happy my son didn’t put me in tat situation where i got no time for friends taking care of him! isn’t he a good boy? yala yala self praise u call me.. but i’m proud he is a very sociable kid.
However the down side is.. he is too easily excited until my friend told me he’s a live wire! that’s a new term but she’d right. i don’t know how to cool him down or tame him in these situation. he run and entertain all other adults. *geez* is this something i should be proud too? because he is this way, easily excited, joyful that’s y he can mix around. well… i guess when there’s a pro there’s always a con too.
i hv less time catching up with Jdric and my bumps growth. i can’t imagine how much extra effort and time for working mom need to spend to be able to catch up their kids. i’m glad i’m not working anymore.. with 2nd coming.. i’m sure i’ll be left with no time.
Currently i’m about 20th wk. What?!! i’m already 5th month? *gosh* (pregnancy should be 10mth coz it’s 40wks) so fast i’m already half way. it’s like i didn’t enjoy it alot.. and didn’t really spend alot of love with the bumps.. poor baby inside. hardly talk or listening to Mozart or even eat bird nest! Jdric is so lucky! i’m current 12kg extra from my pre-preg weight. pre-preg already over weight now i’m 82kg how to lose it after birth? Dr will definitely ask me to do a glucose test… *yuck* *yuck* This bb hardly kick. Only when i sleep at the wrong position.. other than that i don’t feel it like i feel during Jdric’s time. Also no hiccups.. i rmb Jdric had lotsa hiccups.. yes inside me.. maybe at later stage.
Jdric now is.. wait i count.. 19mths. Ya i don’t even hv time for Jdric anymore coz i’m now like diverted my attention half to him and half to the bumps. so i can’t really keep track of everything anymore. He is very attached to me during the nites. He needs to know that i’m sleeping with him, else he’ll keep looking for MAMA. It’s something that i’m happy but on the other hand worried coz my 2nd one coming definitely i’ll need to sleep with the bb due to BF. i’d tried to let him sleep with grandpa (his fav person besides his MAMA) he also refuse. Nah~~ he’s not so attached with his dad coz his dad hardly spend time with him. Grandpa can spend the whole evening after work with Jdric. Infact after spending weekend with grandpa, Jdric will miss grandpa on Monday.. keep calling PAPA PAPA.
His speech is still very slow, but catching up. Hardly can talk but he definitely knows how to use his gesture to tell u what he wants. Wanna go out is pointing himself then outside.. repeat it few times. He says “pees” (please) like a magical word. When i’m angry with him he’ll call MAMA then say “pees” from afar, then do the hug gesture, then “pees” again.. until i say OK. He’ll run to me and gv me a hug. This is when nobody is around lah. else.. chou nei tou soh.
i’m still having a very very hard time forcing him to eat. currently he’s eating rice mix soup but hardly wants it. Porridge lagi no need to think. He don’t like mushy things. he still drinks milk every 3hours. at times when his mood is good and the soup is nice he’ll eat lah. his fav is plain square bread and the square biscuit. maybe i should make my rice into square shape. hahahaha….if u let him see the Gardenia plain bread.. he can bug u with “bled” “bled” “bled”..
He’s still very playful and energetic. He can go on and on and on. I heard a new terms from a friend. she said my son is like a “live wire” means he didn’t stop jumping. hahaha.. everyone is scared of him. i recently bring him to a party. i’m soo relieve, coz i don’t even need to worry about him. he’ll ‘make’ ppl carry him .. anyone also can lah.. i just eat my food and chat with my friends. he entertain himself and look for other kids to play with. didn’t even bother me or cling to me. but as far as i can see he is a very sociable kids. which is a good thing lah. then there’s 1 part where other kids wanna take his balloon he go hiding behind the chair so that the kids cannot get it. yala.. he’s not a good boy for not sharing.. but this also means.. i don’t need to worry about him being bullied in school next time coz my boy can jaga diri. woohoo…
but many comment he’s high on sugar, but i hardly gv him any sweets or choc or ice cream. only think is yakult and the milk lo. haiz.. cannot do anything to tame him down. he’s easily over excited kid. oh well.. wait till he is 3-4 and then can decide if he is hyper or not. it’s too early to determine now. (according to the internet)
i have mood swing that i can’t explain.. perhaps is the changes.. perhaps is the pregnancy.. perhaps it is me.. perhaps it is everything
i scold, i cry, i blow, i keep quiet, i complain, i ignore, i close my eye, ears and heart.. but yet it’s still there
no there’s no compromise because there isn’t any choice or way or even a tiny little space for it
so if u can’t change it, accept it… but am i that kind of person to close my eye and accept things? answer is NO
However AiLeen challenge me, do i remember my marriage vow (i don’t have any 😛 . That is why it is very important to have vows ) She said this is the time God test our marriage vows
“For better or worst till death do us part“ –> it struck me.. struck me so hard.. YES this IS the time where this vows comes in place. This is the time where God is testing whether i’m serious when i say “I do” This is the time when everything is not in place and we stick together till death do us part. This is when God test how strong a family is.. *gosh* i could fail so easily falling into traps and difficulties
Altho is seems like everything is not in place (for me) AL told me that this is a blessing.. my 2nd child, my expanding, growing family members, the opportunity to have a better life for the family, opportunities where other ppl may never have/can experience. I just need to look at the brighter side and everything will be bright, rite?
Entering 2nd trimester, i’m no longer daily reporting to Mr. Toilet Bowl.. that’s a good sign.. but i’m still tired at times and back ache. it got worst if i carry Jdric more. wonder how’s the other pregnant woman in my family is doing. she doesn’t want to announce anything and i didn’t congratulate her coz she is still in her 1st trimester. she had many miscarriage previously and i think she got pantang out of telling ppl her pregnancy dy.
i dunno..me if ppl ask ifi i’m pregnant i’ll say -“yes i am”.
if ppl ask when 2nd bb coming i’ll tell them – “it is in me now”
if ppl i want to tell i’ll announce it gladly because i think my bb is like me who likes to be recognize. 🙂
i cannot tell ppl no i’m not pregnant if i am, because i feel like i’m rejecting the bb. BUT of course there’s some ppl i will not want to tell because of they hv too big mouth or i’m not so close with them or i feel like they just want to compete. so these ppl are not sincerely wanting to share your happiness…
For this 2nd pregnancy we plan to get a confinement lady (CL) to ease around because there’s 1 little monster who needs alot of attention. Mom alone cannot handle so many things… we decided to get a half day… half day means.. 8am to 1pm (most). She will come cook, wash laundry (mine and baby) and bathe the bb. And she gets RM1500 for half half day? 28 days only leh~~
Anyway we call up this lady, she is really nice and open. She speaks all the requirements and state everything clearly. But there’s some problems,
(1) she need to get 1 angpao for starting the job to buang suey. i’m thinking like.. why is she so particular about this suey thing when she is a confinement lady? on top of tat after all her job is done she needs another RM200 for ending her job. this is really wierd..
(2) she told me she is going to cook without salt .. only soya sauce. in my mind.. oh no.. i dun wan to drink soya sauce soup leh.. i hate it.. coz that’s how Ha-B cooks.
(3) she is not going to wash my panty. ok la.. i won’t let her wash anyway… BUT she say.. coz it’s suey.. again… and then she expect me to wash rite? so… why can’t i bathe? since i already can touch water.. (she told me no bathing and must do as she told)
(4) since she is working half half she ask me to wash the milk bottle myself for the other half of the day which make sense la. BUT since i’m going to touch water again.. why can’t i bathe?
(5) Since it’s half half day, she won’t be helping with the bb when the bb cry wat. So why pay her so much?
(6) she is nice enough to cook for jdric if i wan to, but i told her he can take my food but she say NO. coz he will be notti Ha-B can’t eat coz will be suey. (oh.. my fire masuk kepala when i hear this – u know i’m very pantang to hear pantang especially she is a woman who gives birth too. sorry i’m not in the suey catagories)
After i think about it.. i don’t think i need her anymore.. too pricey and too pantang. i’m now back to square 1 thinking if mom my help me.. who will layan Jdric. i suppose.. i can manage 2 kids kua…not that difficult la .. other ppl also can manage so many kids..
I hate my life now.. I really hate my life.. it’s like I do not have the control of anything.. is it because I’m not working? Is it because I don’t have a fix income? Perhaps it is… to make things worst.. my life is like in a gambling world , hoping for a little faith and luck! I have no secure future.. is this what I’d plan? Is this what I ask for? I’m a person with full of planning.. I never had to worry about all these until now.. just because I’m not working?
If I gamble I will only gamble with my extras.. I won’t gamble is I have nothing. Although gambling is sometimes good but it’s just no my way.. not my style and not my way.. changes is not a bad this but changes without a plan is terrible.
I used to have goals and objective in life.. what do I have now? My goal is to raise my child/children.. yes that’s the most important thing in my life now BUT not to forget WITH major changes in my life.. I can’t even have control of my little tiny life now.. I want to have my kids to grow up with a pet so that they are more loving and …. every normal home needs a pet .. to be exact a DOG. I want to have a balance life style with my family, I want to raise my kids in healthy life style instead of electronics gadgets being their partner.. I want my kids to be able to have a garden like I was little that I can play around cut the grass and cook masak. I don’t like to live in a concrete house. I hate the air… I hate the honks, I hate the fact that everywhere I go is CARS and JAMS.. even these simple expectation is not within my control anymore.. sometimes I think.. why did I marry a city guy and never tot of all these?
I’d “downgraded” my life.. I lost my pet (yes although I don’t really care for him very much but I still want to have him around – weird I know, probably for the sack of my kids?), and soon I’ll lose my house which is a comfy home now with fresh air and grass around. I’ll soon be homeless! I do not know where I’ll be staying in near future.. I hate my life.. that has no clear plan ahead, no clear answers. I’m a person that needs to plan 2-3 steps ahead.. I cannot (Chinese saying) look 1 step walk 1 step kind of person… but I have no choice because I just got to base on trust and luck?
I used to hate this pregnancy.. yes looking at my previous pregnancy and now.. Previously I’d been hooohaaa taking endless picture of my tummy, being so excited, being so anxious, eating the right food but not this..i feel I’d abandon Jboy. I feel angry and guilty..He’s just so small, little and I cannot afford to even get up to carry him. I totally have no strength to lift him when he needs me..i can only ignore him and it hurts me so badly.. that was during my 1st trimesters. Until now I’m having back ache and muscle ache all over me… I just feel like I this is another bad changes in my life.. and I hate it.. now entering 2nd trimester perhaps it’s a little better.. but.. still too many changes..i still would feel better if there is less changes in my life..
I so hate everything I have now.. everything is at the wrong place, wrong time…maybe some will say it’s pre-natal depression.. but what is a life when I had plan so much previously with my objectives and goals but now is just darkness..
What if… I’m always having these “what if” in my head..thru out my pregnancy
What if.. I suddenly have this contraction and I need to deliver and Ha-B is not around?
What if.. the bb cries every 3 hours and wake Jboy during mid nite? How can I handle both?
What if..the bb need to put to sleep and Jboy need to attached to me at the same time
What if.. I need to have a lengthy BF and Jboy needs attention?
What if.. during confinement Jboy need attention and no one is free to care for him?
What if.. i send to my PIL and i’ll miss him and he’ll be nonsensical?
What if.. I’m there’s no pregnancy?
What if.. there’s no changes?
Am I having depression or stress? I don’t know.. but I suppose I’m not.. it’s just the very normal thoughts that every pregnancy woman should be having especially with all the drastic changes..and I truly hate it